What does that actually mean to let go? As we roll into a new year and a new decade I needed to come to terms on a few things. The big one was letting go. Going through the holidays trying to please everyone. And what I realized was that I keep straining on trying to create a relationship with my brother. These last couple of years I wrote a letter to him, sat down with him, texted him and nothing. So why do I keep trying? No matter what I try I never say the right thing. Somehow someway I offend him although that was never my intention. Some things are out of my control. Accept the things I cannot change.
Late in the afternoon on Christmas Day it hit me. I need to let go. I sat down to think about all that I have done realizing I am trying to change someone’s thoughts about me. That my friends, is impossible to do! This is the part I needed to remember the wisdom to know the difference of what I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.
So I will lean on the courage part and let go. Sometimes letting go is something we need to let happen so we can build our strength and grow from these lessons.
We need to understand that people will come and go in our lives. Letting go is part of life. Why hold onto those who have let go of you long ago. When I came across that sentence it hit hard. My brother still sees me as that young girl who he fought with all those years ago. I moved away when I was 21 and never moved back so he doesn’t even know who I grown up to be. How does one compete with your past self? Ha you cannot.
I will no longer say sorry for things I did decades ago, I will no longer say sorry for things I did not cause and I will not try to keep making amends to the same person for things that I did as a teenager. I cannot change someone else but I can change me. I can forgive myself and I can let go. So for 2020 this is me letting go. I know this may be a bit of a challenge but I really need to do this for me.
These past ten years has been a huge rollercoaster for me. I achieved so much in these years that I am proud of myself and who I have become. I have had to let go of a lot. Not everyone is going to like me and that is ok. I will just let it go and not allow it to consume my every thought.
What has helped me is to focus on something else by putting the focus back on me. And in the course of me focusing on myself I put distance between me and the ones I need to let go. Another thing that has helped me was to realize some things were just not my fault. I am a kind and compassionate person. I want everyone to get along and stop fighting. That is very hard for me but now I realize I could be waiting a lifetime for forgiveness that will never come.
Knowing this now is the part where I am accepting the letting go and now I need to heal. I need to take care of me because no one else will. Surround myself with people who love me, who care, who are genuinely nice people and who I can grow with. That my friends is how you let go. Well for me it is.
If anything be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, take the control back, regroup and refocus on what you have the power to change. I believe when we do this all will fall into place.