How do you take time for self love? “How do you feel about yourself?” Questions I ask myself everyday?
I was told that, If you love yourself then the rest will follow.
How do you love yourself when for years you were told that you are the cause of all the negative in your life. That you are not worth it. No one will love you.
All that negative really breaks you down to a point that you believe this to be true. It did for me. I did nothing to take care of myself. More like I let myself go. I believed that I was not worth anything so why not become invisible because that is how I felt. So I gained weight and built a shield around myself. I stopped reaching out to my friends and family. And if I did talk to them I would just say everything was great. I kept to myself. I believed everything that I was told.
One day I needed to make a decision and needed answers. So I made a huge step to walk into a meeting. I immediately learned that I was not alone and that this was not a quick fix. Many people in that room felt the same way I did. I kept going back and through other peoples story, I found strength and hope. I started to go regularly because I liked the way I felt when I walked out of the meeting. Then one day during a meeting someone who is now a dear friend of mine, made a comment about their life and life in general. It was pretty much, “Change it, if you don’t like it!” Blunt, to the point, and so true! I needed to hear that.
I walked out of that meeting and realized I do have the power to change it. That comment changed my life! I went home and my head was spinning. Time to put the plan into action. I felt nervous, scared, excited, and most of all I saw hope.
When I started to take time for myself and get to know me I realized that it was time to take back my life and practice self love and self care. First stop, find your happy place and go there to quiet those voices.
Taking inventory helped me realize and face the results with open arms. Have you done your inventory? If not that is okay, give it a go and start today! Be proud of the positive things done in your life, even if they are tiny it is okay. Remember to even welcome the negative. For me starting out listing my positive traits was very helpful. Then listing the negative things made me realize that I just wrote down new goals for me to turn into a positive, so yay!
Realizing a trend in goal setting has begun. I suggest making a list of major goals and then break them down into smaller goals that are attainable. Things that will help toward your main goal. I know I can work on smaller goals, the big ones are just too much for me to handle. Baby steps are great! All I know is I do not want to repeat history.
For example I was told that going back to school was just not in the cards. Why bother because you don’t finish anything you start. I have heard those words many times. When I started to practice self love, and learned that I am worth it. I decided to take the next step. I am happy to report I achieved my goal in going back to school and completed every degree up too my Masters degree. A straight 6 years while holding down a full time job and being a single mom. Got to say what an amazing feeling that was.
For two years I did not tell anyone I was working on my Associates to avoid listening to negative. I needed to know I can do this for myself. While going to school I made a plan to get me and the kids out of my toxic relationship, relinquish the partnership in our business, juggle the kids and get a job at the same time the economy was crashing, 2009. It wasn’t easy but I did not lose focus. I stayed on course and focused on my goal. It took a year and half for me to make the shift. I learned so much from that experience.
The main thing I learned was once you put your focus on your goal, there is no stopping you. You can achieve anything you set out to do!
What helped me was to face the negative thoughts and ask what can I do to improve in this area? It is important to ask yourself these hard questions. Facing your fears head on will help you push through them. Scary but so true!
Why does this negative thought keep popping up in my head?
Why can’t I shake this feeling?
What is holding me back?
Why do I keep self-sabotaging, and how can I turn it around so I can get different results?
Why do I choose to live this way?
Why do I continue to put myself in this situation?
Do I even like who I am or who I become?
Why do I feel like I deserve this negative outcome?
Why! Why! Why!
Forgiveness is crucial in this process. I still need to forgive myself for so many things in my life, and that is okay. All these questions above I ask myself so many times. I allowed these negative feelings to creep up and I am so over it.
It is a process we must face head on. If you want to make major changes in your life you must face those fears.
Remember we are human and we are born to make mistakes! “ A little of Billy Joel” just a side note the kid in this video is a classmate from Jr High and High school, and it just brought back memories so I thought I would share….ok Squirrel moment, hahaha.
Focus Focus! hahaha!!!
On that note, we need to focus on how we pick ourselves up and move through the mistakes.
Did you ever hear someone say: If you do the same thing over and over expecting different result then you are just kidding yourself. We have to change it up! Realizing the mistake is the first step, next you have to decide to do something different to avoid this from happening.
My journal has helped me through this process. Even if I did not write in it everyday I knew I could pick up where I left off. I can honestly say that it has helped quiet my voice in my head to a minimal.
I call those screaming voices “My Elaine moments”.
Do you have those? Did you ever watch Seinfeld? Check out the quick video. It was the episode where Elaine is on the subway, the train stops midway, and everyone is closing in around her, bumping into her, just getting in her space. She struggles to remain calm and smile and yet on the inside she is screaming. LOL…its funny even thinking about it. Okay anyway Squirrel moment again!!!
Some quotes that I love to say are:
Let it go! Just for Today! Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Walk away! I can’t control that!
Keep your focus on what you can control today, right now.
Don’t feel bad if you have to tell someone that you need a moment. We all need time for ourselves. Taking time for yourself is part of the self love journey. This alone time will help us regroup, think before we say the wrong thing, and help us approach something with a new outlook.
Self care is important. We all deserve to love who we are. Self love is something we may take for granted. Take advantage of alone time and really learn about yourself. Learn to love who you are at this moment. Embrace your life and if you do not like what you see, start making small changes. Before you know it you will learn self love.
So for me I decide what I need instead of what I want. I am trying to be less hard on myself. I am setting boundaries to help with my self care. I am being aware and mindful to myself and my choices. I am taking a bit of time each day to really embrace who I am. Self love ~ Goals to live by!
You should give it a try and let me know how it is working for you? How do you practice self love?
Let us start out by having a great day Doreen~